Pretty Little Liars Recap: S6 E10, Game Over, Charles

via Eonline via ABC Family

I haven’t written a PLL recap in quite some time, but in honor of the biggest reveal in PLL history, and finally getting an answer to the biggest television question since who shot JR, I decided to bring it on back and recap this craziness.

A lot has led up to this, but let’s dive right in and imagine I’ve been recapping for the past 2 seasons I’ve been absent from the literal game:

The mystery is over, but, in typical PLL fashion, a new mystery has begun–but first, let’s talk about how we got there!

Well, let’s just get it out of the way right now–CeCe Drake is Charlotte is Charles. Yes, you read that correctly, Charles transitioned into a female named Charlotte, but once she was out and about in Rosewood, she rebranded herself as CeCe.

So, what did we learn? Here are the tentpoles:

a) Charles never meant to hurt Ali, he was just drawing a toddler bath for his infant sister and dropped his sister into the tub because his toddler arms couldn’t support her weight, plus, water is slippery, you guys! Mr. D came in to save Ali from the water and of course deemed Charles a monster from this day forward.

b) Charles befriended Bethany (remember that bitch?) in Radley and confided in her about his gender dysphoria. Mrs. D knew about Charles’ preference in wearing dresses and playing with dolls and, since she was the only member of the family to really ever visit Charles, helped him transition into the girl he always knew he was.

c) Bethany pushed Toby’s mom off the roof of Radley to protect Charles’ new identity as a girl named Charlotte, but then blamed it on Charles because, how does that song go? Oh right–that’s what friends are forrrrrrrr! So then Mrs. D paid off Wilden to deem Mrs. Cavanaugh’s death as a suicide, leaving poor Toby to think his mother would rather die than be a mother to her son all of those years. So, now the doctors all thought Charlotte was a lunatic and they diagnosed her with this and put her on that drug and this drug and then she almost literally drowned in her own drool–her words, not mine. Years later, Mrs. D planned a funeral for Charles to officially confirm his death and the birth of Charlotte. Charlotte was allowed to leave Radley for the “funeral” and then this set off a long chain of Charlotte being able to leave Radley whenever she wanted to, essentially, but also only to attend school at UPenn which I’m pretty sure never actually happened because we know she called in a bomb threat at least once. One night when she was out she hit who she thought was Bethany with a rock–because she thought she was out to hurt Ali–and then it ended up being Alison, and well, 6 seasons later there’s no reason to tell that story all over again because if you’re reading this, chances are you’ve been around to see it all unfold from that single moment. And to think, it was a simple misunderstanding of mistaken identity…that being said, Mona realized she killed Bethany because she hit some blonde girl that night with a shovel and since Ali was standing right in front of her via live feed, it had to have been Bethany. I mean, good riddance.

d) Charlotte stepped out into the world as CeCe because she had to see her family–and what better way to do exactly that then to date your biological brother?! So then CeCe and Jason were a thing, but they never had sex because 1) ew 2) gender re-assignment surgery was never covered in this episode so perhaps Jason would have figured something was going on 3) she made it clear how sexually frustrated Jason had become. I laughed at this, because it was funny. In any event, CeCe ended up going away to Cape May that summer with the entire DiLaurentis clan and, to only Mrs. D’s knowledge, the family was back together again and Ali had the bestest summer everrrrrrrrrrrr…until she ended up in a ditch shortly afterwards, of course.

e) While in Radley, Charlotte (CeCe? Both? Ugh, WHATEVER SHE IS JUST CECE NOW)…CeCe befriended a VERY drowsy Mona and visited her often for story time where she’d learn all about Ali’s friends and the game Mona had played with them. It sounded to CeCe like the girls were happy Ali was gone, probably because that’s what druggy Mona told her, and this made CeCe angry, so CeCe continued the game for Mona, without Mona ever knowing who it was, via riddles and other fun DIY projects sent to Radley anonymously! Games! Crafts! Crazies unite! But in present day, CeCe was all like, well none of your friends are actually dead, Ali, so what’s the big deal, Ali, you can’t be mad, Ali–they were happy you were dead, ALI!!!!! Yada yada.

f) Sara was a decoy used by CeCe to wear a red coat and also attend other on-the-ground-events such as Wilden’s funeral (remember mysterious black veil woman/possible Lady Gaga “Bad Romance” back up dancer (or simply the Black Widow) who got into the limo after the funeral? Yup, that was Sara. CeCe killed Wilden BTW…because he knew Ali was alive and she had to protect her lil sis! D’aw!!!!! (I think?) She’s also the one who flew that plane that one time and saved the liars from that fire. Cool, I guess. She wore a red coat. RED COAT. But let’s really dive into what’s bothering me about this–POOR. FUCKING. EMILY. FIELDS. Girl comes out as a lesbian, is loud and proud and courageous as shit and all of her girlfriends either die or move away or end up being fucked up bitches who try to assist CeCe in a murder/suicide–family style! Oh yeah, that happened too but Spencer stepped in just in time to debunk the bomb that was about to blow Radley to smithereens with Ali, CeCe, Jason and Mr. D all inside! You know what they say, the family that dies in an abandoned looney bin by way of homemade bomb via the trigger of your thought-to-be-dead son who actually is still alive but transitioned into a woman–wait, what’s the saying again? I lost track. But it doesn’t matter, because it didn’t happen thanks to Spencer’s smarts and then Emily punched Sara in the face and it was just pure awesome. Cue up the Icona Pop because I LOVE IT.

g) CeCe didn’t kill her mom! Not really sure what happened there, but, CeCe didn’t do it! She just found her dead in the garden.

So, those are the major points that clear up essentially all of the burning questions we’ve all had as loyal fans of the show for the past 5.5 seasons. Also, how did CeCe afford all of this? Apparently by way of stocks. Investments. Girl was good.

By the way, all of these answers are told via CeCe spilling all the deets to Ali in a cell at Radley with drugged Mr. D and Jason lying motionless just outside of the cell. How did the girls hear this story you ask? Well, they found a way into CeCe’s server/control room smack in the middle of the Carissimi Group offices (Rhys was a legit person, guys!!!). Once the liars + Mona (even though I guess she’s the biggest liar of them all) got into the room, Mona started touching a giant iPad that projected a holographic screen into mid-air that played a live-feed (complete with audio!) of all that was going down in Radley.

When the bomb plan failed, CeCe ran to the roof where she was about to jump from which would have been poetic because it was from that very same roof that Bethany pushed Mrs. Cavanaugh and basically started this whole mess. But, the girls followed her and were all like NOOOO DON’T WE HATE YOU BUT WE GET IT! YOU’VE HAD A SHITTY LIFE! So, she doesn’t jump, she declares “game over” and we fast forward to Labor Day weekend where all the liars, except for Ali who wants to be home, are heading off to college and saying a heartfelt and tearful goodbye.

Spencer: Georgetown (this breaks my heart because I went to Syracuse and GEORGETOWN SUCKS)

Emily: Pepperdine (does this mean possible reconciliation for her and Paige??!?!?! PAILY FO EVAAAAA!!!!!!!)

Aria: Savannah arts whatever

Hanna: Um, a school.

Then, FIVE YEARS LATER…

Ali is a TEACHER writing “Mrs. Rollins” on the chalkboard in whimsical cursive…so, in that timespan she obviously gets married to the upcoming psychologist character Dr. Rollins.

BUT THEN ALL OF THE GROWN UP/NEW HAIR/NEW CLOTHES/FULL MATRICULATED LIARS COME RUSHING IN WARNING ALI THAT “HE’S COMING” AND THEY NEED TO GTFO OF THERE PRONTO!

CUT TO BLACK.

WUTTTTTTTTTTTTT. AND JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO GO BACK IN THE ROSEWOOD.

GAME ON–well, sort of–JANUARY 2016.

But wait, what happened to all the moms?

For answers to more specific questions, check out this Q&A EW did with Marlene King here!

To The Guy Who Sold Me Fake Blink 182 Tickets…

Who I didn’t get to see last night…

I met you in Union Square where you sold me what I now know are fake Blink 182 tickets. I don’t know why you do what you do, I don’t know why you did what you did but I just cannot understand it. Does it make you feel good, taking people’s money like that? Of course it does. It must. Otherwise, why would you keep doing it. I doubt anyone has a gun to your head, but if they do–duck and run!

I should have known the tickets were fake. I got a burning feeling in the pit of my stomach immediately after I bought them from you that they were. They didn’t feel quite right. They were on the thick side and somewhat glossy. The ink looked a little too bold and prevalent on the backdrop of the ticket. They were fake, but it was too late so I just told myself I was being paranoid. You had already disappeared into the crowd of street performers, coffee-drinkers and commuters. I was stuck with those tickets.

You said you were a fan. You said you wish you could go but work got in the way. I believed you because I didn’t have any reason not to.

So I showed up to the venue in Brooklyn. Nervous, but incredibly excited. My favorite band was playing and I couldn’t wait to see them go on. I passed through security and waited in a small line. The girls in front of me got turned away because their tickets wouldn’t scan. Their tickets were fake. At that moment it felt like my entire body was on fire. The burning sensation had spread and I couldn’t handle it. For at that moment my fears became a reality and I learned that people like you actually exist. Finally, it was my turn–my tickets didn’t scan. The tickets you sold to my friend and I were fake. But you knew that. You knew I would travel all the way to Brooklyn by way of the L train which I had made it my life mission never to take, but for Blink 182 it was worth it. But this would end up being for nothing but disappointment and tears. Yes, I cried. YOU made me cry.

I didn’t get to see them play any of my favorite songs–like “Stay Together for the Kids” a song about divorce which I relate to tenfold. Or “Dammit” or “Carousel” or “Man Overboard” or ANYTHING. Instead I was stuck listening to “Adam’s Song” alone in my room and any Blink fan knows how depressing that can be.

It’s not about the money. You robbed me of an experience that I will never get back.

People go to concerts for the experience–they want to feel the music they’ve listened to so many times through their headphones and car stereos. They want to see it, hear it, feel it, live it. I wanted all of that too. Yes, I’ve seen Blink 182 live several times but this show was special. It was a charity show, which makes what you did all the more disgraceful. But it wasn’t just me, it was DOZENS of fans. Dozens of people who just wanted to escape for a few hours. The bouncer told me he counted at least 50, and from the description another girl gave me of the guy who sold her fake tickets, it was you. You and a friend or a group of guys setting out to just make some money.

Sure, maybe this was my fault for not examining the tickets closer but I just never thought that this would happen. I have too much faith in humanity sometimes and my excitement for having found someone to sell me their tickets clouded my judgement. I should have known. I should have known…

I should have realized that after I was stood up two times by who I believe to be two different people I arranged to meet to buy tickets from that I wasn’t meant to go to this concert. But I wanted to so badly. Third time’s a charm, right? You were the third, so I guess that saying doesn’t always apply…

But this isn’t my fault. It’s yours. You knew I was excited to see them–otherwise why would I have sought you out? You took advantage of me. Yes, it could have been worse and you could have written the script for The Craigslist Killer Part Two, but you didn’t. So, thank you for that. But I’m still upset with you.

I’m not angry, I’m just upset. I am hurt, and I don’t even know you. You did seem like a nice guy, but I suppose that’s how con artists are, right? And don’t think for a second that’s not what you are because that is what you are.  I found myself wondering last night if your parents know what you do. Do they know when you say you’re “going to work” that it means you’re just in a basement somewhere putzing around with paper and ink, gearing up for your next fake-out? Does your mother know?

Blink 182 will come around to New York again sometime soon I’m sure and you’ll get down to business making your fake tickets again–but I hope you don’t. I hope you stop. You cheated over 50 people this week. FIFTY. Isn’t that enough? I couldn’t sleep last night knowing I had been cheated–could you sleep knowing you were the cheater? 

I know you’ll never see this letter and I know this letter won’t accomplish anything except for helping me get my feelings out in the open and somewhere other than my mind. I know you’ll keep manufacturing and selling fake tickets. I know you’ll spend the money in a way that makes you happy. I just hope that maybe, just maybe, some of that money you made by ripping off 50+ people will go towards something good. Maybe a charity–maybe a few dollars in a homeless man’s change cup. I must restore the same faith I had in humanity that led me to thinking no one would ever make and sell me, or anyone for that matter, a fake ticket and apply it to this scenario. I must hope that the money isn’t going towards something negative, even though it sort of already has. Wherever you are, I hope you’re happy because in the end, everyone deserves happiness, but just know that in this scenario your happiness comes at the expense of others.

Time will pass and we’ll both forget about this. It’s a new day. I’m still upset but I feel better now. I’m sure you don’t care, but I just want you to know that just because you have my money doesn’t mean you’ve won. You’ll lose at some point and maybe then you’ll finally realize what you’ve done–what you’ve been doing–is wrong.

Thanks to you, I couldn’t be that girl anyone fell in love with at the rock show last night…

What I Thought of Miley Cyrus’ 2013 VMAs Performance–It All Twerked Out!

via Billboard.com

For those of you that know me personally, you know that I’m a huge Miley Cyrus fan. More so than any 23 year old should be, and I have absolutely no shame about that. Maybe that’s why I’m about to say what I’m about to say, but screw it–I’m just being Allie.

I had the privilege of being in attendance last night at the Barclays Center where, above all else, Miley twerked on Robin Thicke and NSYNC got back together, for a little over a minute. While all the performances individually can probably inspire lengthy, analytic blog posts, the one truly worth talking about, and on everyone’s mind, is Miley’s. Don’t agree with me? Well, clearly a handful of people do considering her name was mentioned 4.5 MILLION times via social media last night. Four. Point. Five. MILLION. That’s A LOT of teddy bears. And trust me, being there to see the performance in person was just as exhausting, insane and fun as one may imagine. But I didn’t even cringe once–and here’s why…

Miley’s performance was truly a clusterf**k of bears, latex, bears, a foam finger, twerking, butts and sex. Sex sex sex. All the sex. And she brought Robin Thicke out, who sings the sex anthem of the summer, “Blurred Lines,” to sex some more. There was grinding there was twerking there was big-booty-slapping and there were horrified tweens and moms failing to cover eyes in the audience. It was the twerk-wreck of the night and no one could look away. NO ONE. Why? Well, everyone loves to see a star descend which is what tons of people think is happening but is that really what it is? Is Miley truly about to combust and land herself in treatment of some kind? Yes, she’s admitted to smoking marijuana but so have several of my friends and none of them need to seek help of the therapeutic kind. She’s not addicted to marijuana or molly or alcohol. She’s not hurting herself. She’s not going psycho a-la Amanda Bynes. All the girl wants to do is twerk. So if there’s a clinic tucked away in the hills of Malibu that specializes in teddy bears ‘n’ twerks, sign her up, but other than that, she’s just being Miley. She cut her hair, she didn’t shave her head. She’s been in the studio and out there promoting her new single and album. She’s working and hustling, but in her own special way.

She’s coming into her own. Another Disney star gone raw and a bit off the rails but she hasn’t done anything wrong. Shock and offend? Sure, but that’s incredibly easy to do. Heck, I throw on a bathing suit and stroll around the beaches of Southampton and do just that. This is why “Blurred Lines” was the perfect song for Miley to sing along with Mr. Thicke. You see, she was a good girl, she can’t be domesticated (which, mind you, is exactly what she was trying to tell EVERYONE with her single “Can’t Be Tamed” back when she had all of her hair), but she just wants to start that endless journey to find out what exactly rhymes with “hug me.” Honestly, the worst thing about Miley’s performance was Robin’s suit but “hey hey hey,” she most likely had no control over that–or at least as much as she did over her butt-cheeks flopping out of her latex a little bit. That last part was unfortunate, actually. But these things happen! At least it wasn’t a boob.

Her performance was SMART. SMART SMART SMART. Why? Because this was the 30th anniversary of the VMAs, and while not exactly known for its prominence in the musical world–which is fine because it focuses on the music video aspect of the song, not the song itself which is proper considering MTV’s roots grew from music videos–it has been known for some of the most outrageous award show moments. It’s been a while since the VMAs were the canvas for something truly unbelievable, vulgar and borderline Cinemax, and Miley knew this was her time to shine. Her time to step in and say “I’ll raise your Britney Spears skin-toned, bejeweled body suit and give you a skin-toned rubber glove, high-waisted bikini.” She WENT for it. She WANTED to be talked about and get coverage on every major news outlet AND SHE DID. And the fact that she was able to win the night–socially, at least–for a performance at the same awards show where MOTHER EFFIN *NSYNC REUNITED is truly unbelievable and just goes to show that not only can she not stop but she can’t BE stopped. Miley knew what she was about to do and she blew everyone out of the water–and their comfort zone. She took two of the biggest songs of this summer and combined them into one, over-the-top and sexually confused performance. It was brilliant.

via Twitter

So, while you’re sitting there with your judgement face on wearing your judgement panties, Miley Cyrus is laughing all the way to, well, I’m not exactly sure, but probably somewhere that sells both foam fingers and teddy bears. Maybe “take your child to the game” day at a local sports venue. I don’t know. What I DO know is that even if you had to turn your television off or switch over to Breaking Bad for the six-or-so minutes Miley graced the Barclays Center stage, you definitely tuned in today to one of the various news outlets that covered the story for hours upon end. Analyzing each move, talking about her mother and father’s reactions, and the Smith family’s as well. You wanted to avoid it, you wanted to say “that was horrific and disgusting and I refuse to watch it” but right now you’re thinking, what the hell happened? And searching for it on the interwebs. So, let me save you some trouble because you can find the video RIGHT HERE on CNN’s website. Yes, CNN. Who also dedicated an entire section to her performance on their homepage today, the day after the VMAs aired.

via CNN.com

Overall, her performance WAS ridiculous and insane and outrageous and shocking but it will be talked about for years and because of that, when Miley’s new album drops on October 8th, it’s going to receive all the more attention. As absurd as the performance was, it twerked.

I’m just gonna go ahead and say it–Miley’s 2013 VMA performance is the new “Britney/Madonna Kiss.”

*Please note all of the above is my opinion.*

Conan in NYC

For those of you who don’t know, last fall I interned at Conan in Los Angeles while I was there for a semester. I had an incredible time, which you can read all about right here.

This past week Conan taped four shows (back where he belongs) in NYC to celebrate the first anniversary of his new show on TBS. My boss from Conan reached out to me and a few other past and present interns to help and work the show because they would need all hands on deck. Naturally, I accepted and drove home from school to work the last two NY shows on Wednesday, November 2nd and Thursday, November 3rd.

I was fortunate enough to be the costume intern for those two days, and was asked for specifically by the costume designer himself. Prior to arriving in the city, I had read online that Conan would be officiating a same-sex marriage on his show for one of his long-time staff members. It wasn’t until I arrived that I found out the costume designer, Scott, was the groom to be. I had the pleasure of working alongside Scott on the day of his wedding, and it was such an incredible experience. I also got to meet his wonderful fiance (and now husband) David. They are both such sweethearts. They truly deserve each other and a lifetime full of happiness. The wedding itself was very sweet and emotional. It was touching. Most of the staff had crowded into the aisles and doorways of the Beacon Theatre to witness the ceremony in person, and I was one of them seeing as I was working with Scott. It was truly something incredible.

Working with the Conan staff is always a blast. Not only is it a lot of fun, but it’s a great learning experience as well, and an excellent chance to build relationships and network. I got to meet some great people, and get back in touch with others. I also got to see one of my previous bosses, Andy Cohen, as he was the guest who walked Scott down the aisle to the chuppah.

I saw the Conan blimp, met Will Forte, exchanged glances with Jon Stewart and was in the theatre to witness the first same-sex marriage on television. It’s safe to say it was worth missing a few classes.

 

BREAKING NEWS!

So if you haven’t a;ready heard, the adorable couple that was Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal called it quits earlier today. Being notorious for writing songs about her failed relationships and not being secretive about the boy who broke her heart, jokes were immediately made about what Tay Tay’s song about Jakey-Poo would sound like. Well, ladies and gents, the lyrics for Taylor’s song about Jake have surfaced only to prove that she doesn’t mess around! I acquired them from a super, secret source, but just remember where you saw these lyrics first!!!!!!

 

Jake the Snake

Jake, Jake. I really liked you but you were fake, fake

Thought you were mine for the taking

But like your movies we started tanking, yeah

 

All I wanted was love and hugs

But all you gave me were some other drugs

You bought me presents that totaled a lot

And took me for coffee that really hit the spot

But it was availability and kindness that you lacked

You’re getting old so I guess you’ll have to go Brokeback

 

You were my Prince of Persia

As we sat under an October Sky

I was the Good Girl who walked a Moonlight Mile

Just to find Proof in your smile

I gave you everything, I was full of joy

Even forgave you for playing Bubble Boy

I guess I just don’t understand…I thought you were Spiderman

 

That night I turned 21

Wanted to stay in but you wanted to have fun

So you took my hand and away we went

Good time were had and money was spent

My phone rang at 11 PM

I just couldn’t miss this call again

My producer said he needs just one more song

Right then I knew we just couldn’t last long!

 

You were my Prince of Persia

As we sat under an October Sky

I was the Good Girl who walked a Moonlight Mile

Just to find Proof in your smile

I gave you everything, I was full of joy

Even forgave you for playing Bubble Boy

I guess I just don’t understand…I thought you were Spiderman

 

I know I’ll be sad

Thinking back on the good times we’ve had

But I know The Day After Tomorrow

My heart will no longer be filled with sorrow

So for now it’s time to make my bed

Besides, you were just a silly Jarhead

You were my Prince of Persia

As we sat under an October Sky

I was the Good Girl who walked a Moonlight Mile

Just to find Proof in your smile

I gave you everything, I was full of joy

Even forgave you for playing Bubble Boy

I guess I just don’t understand…I thought you were Spiderman

 

R.I.P

This is so sad…

Adam Goldstein, aka DJ AM, was confirmed dead earlier. The creepy part is that this past Sunday I went to the Met game, where he threw out the first pitch. It’s amazing what can happen in only a matter of days. I’ll say it again, this is so sad. My regards go out to his friends, and family.

On that note, it’s like there’s a bidding war on celebrity deaths going on somewhere, and if that’s the case, the economy should have been fixed by now because I think another celebrity dies everyday. It’s absolutely terrible, I hope it stops very soon, don’t you?

Sincerely,

A Ditk

P.S. I know this was a bit of a sad post, but I promise I’ll pick up where I left off with the humor very soon, don’t you worry, my word is solid gold.

Dirty Pop-Culture

    I have suddenly come to the realization that celebrities are some how running my entire life. I listen to Miley and Hannah’s lyrics, and take them as personal advice on how to live my life, I want to go out an buy whatever Paris Hilton wears (obviously I don’t because I can neither fit into what she wears, or affords it) and lately I’ve only been attracted to guys whom resemble Seth Rogen…weird, I know. 

     Anyways, it got me thinking that maybe I’m just meant to be famous, ya know, a celebrity. I mean, those of you lucky enough to know my full last name know it’s definitely one that’s star-worthy, and isn’t forgotten easily. Now, what should I try to become famous for? 

I’m not a bad actress, but I don’t think I quite have the look.

I’m a horrible singer, so that’s out of the question, and I weigh over 100 pounds, so modeling is out too.

My parents aren’t rolling in money, so I can’t be famous for having money and being famous, and a sex tape is an absolute NO x 1,000,000,000.

So, what’s left on the “how to become famous” list?…maybe I’ll just keep writing and hope the right person stumbles upon my blog, and likes it enough to do something with it. I know that I definitely want to have a career in which I write for television and film, so we’ll see if I can make it to where I want to be. 

But just incase it happens someday….heyyyy Mr. Apatow, heyyyyyy!