Tag Archives: Sorority

What Happens When…

26 Jan

Suspicious packages have been a fear since, well, always, but in recent years they have become a major threat.

Sororities have always been full of lots of girls on the brink of womanhood who tend to be melodramatic.

So what happens when these two are combined? Well, I’ll tell you what happens, because it happened last night.

 

It was a night like any other–my sisters and I were crowded around a small coffee table cutting out arrow-shaped name tags in preparation for recruitment this coming weekend when our president got up from the table. Moments later I heard a lot of commotion coming from the foyer, so naturally I had to see what was going on. As it turns out, there was a package sitting by the front door addressed to a very difficult to pronounce name and an address that was about 5 blocks out of the way. The package stood out from the rest because of this, but also because it was wrapped completely in white paper and then again in clear packing tape–first red flag. The return address label was a weird address, but it was clearly not from this country. We later realized it was Israel. I told the president that suspicious packages have been being delivered to places of Jewish worship over the past year or so sporadically and our house just so happena to be down the block from the campus Hillel center.  This of course freaked her out so now the president stood, holding the package next to another sister and they carefully tried to guess why this package was delivered to our house. My sister said “don’t touch it!” to the president, and then the president went on to shake the package because why wouldn’t you shake a suspicious package from Israel?

After nothing happened, they continued to survey the package. They noticed there was no U.S postage, and so the president decided to call the campus department of public safety (DPS) just to take the proper safety measures. The dispatcher told her to call 911 right away, so she did. Moments later, an officer came to our door to inspect the package. He asked the president some questions, and then he called in the K-9 unit. Soon enough, an adorable German Sheapard was in our house sniffing around like a good little doggy! He was so cute, but that’s besides the point. The dog found nothing unusual so the officer decided to look up and call the boy who the package was addressed to. He got in touch with him and returned to our door to tell us that they boy was indeed expecting a package from Israel and that it is a part to his hookah pipe. The officer took the package and returned it to its rightful owner.

 

The end.

What A Moron

31 Mar

“You know what really grinds my gears?”

My friend in a sorority at another school told me this story, and I wanted to DIE I laughed so hard, enjoy! (Adapted to text by me)

My friend’s sorority just initiated 34 wonderful new members into her sorority this passed Sunday, and it was definitely a joyous occasion! One particular member however, likes to complain–a lot. At one point, she “felt uncomfortable” coming to the house, for what reason, no one knows. It’s not like they did anything to upset their new members, which is reflected in the fact that she was the only one who was  feeling uncomforted. Once initiation happened, all the sisters figured this annoying and unnecessary whining and complaining would come to a screeching halt, but it was just the opposite. This moron put the car in reverse and ran over at least 10 animals on her way back, and then managed to hit a HUGE tree while in drive. You see, this particular girl decided to create a survey using online survey software, and sent it to her entire new member class–all 34 of them. She plans to take the answers from this “anonymous” survey and implement them into next year’s new member period. Little does she know, she has absolutely NO say in this, and if enough people didn’t hate her before, she now has her new member class on the “I hate you” side of things, so that definitely did not help her cause. Not only will no one listen to what she has to say, but all of her new member class is pretty much refusing to take the survey, or answering the questions in the opposite way she hoped for. Not to mention, their new member class–well, everyone except this girl–realizes that they are sisters now, and did the right thing by showing the majority of sisters the message thread in which this girl sent the survey to them on, wait for it, wait for it…FACEBOOK. Ha! Moron! Honestly, email would have been a little less 7th grade and a little more high school, but no, she’s stuck in middle school. Members of her new member class have already backlashed at her stating their utter disbelief and disappointment at her stupidity and moronic ways. Did I mention she’s a moron?

Listen up, here’s some advice from A major Ditk for all you sorority girls out there– if you’re going to try and backstab the house that YOU ARE ALREADY A PART OF, just do yourself a favor and leave. We don’t want you here, we don’t need you here, and we certainly don’t want to deal with all of the shenanigans that you may bring in years to come, because if this is any indication, you’re NOT a promising member and definitely do not hold the values of our sorority, like you claim to do sooooo well. FALSE FALSE FALSE. If you somehow find yourself reading this, you will know who you are, you should apologize to the chapter or just go, because you’ve already damaged enough. What are you going to do? Go to someone and complain? Who are they going to believe? One new member, or 33 new members plus 100+ previously initiated sisters–you decide, because the choice is yours.

Thanks to my friend for this amazingly entertaining story. Keep me posted so I can keep my “AdDitks” informed!

In the words of JoJo, “get out, leave, right now”

-A DITK

Takes Two Minutes

21 Dec

Tonight, the unthinkable happened; this is how it all went down…

My friend and I, you know the Irish one, were watching a movie in the TV room of our sorority house when we smelled something odd. “Is something burning?” asked my friend. I took in a whiff and soon realized that something was definitely burning. That’s when we walked into the kitchen to find one of our sisters (21 years old) drunk, standing in front of the microwave while smoke was legitimately pouring out of it. Immediately I yelled at her and told her to open the microwave to let it air out. Finally, after arguing with her for a solid minute or so, she agreed to open it up, and when she did, the entire room filled with smoke. Now, this situation sent my Irish friend and I into a small panic, because if you can recall the time the fire alarm was set off when I was cooking, my Irish friend was involved in that too, so we did NOT want to go through that again. Anyways, once the smoke cleared enough I was able to see what was in the microwave. Sitting before my eyes, on the rotating disc in the microwave was a burnt-to-a-crisp Hot Pocket. I couldn’t understand how she managed to completely char a Hot Pocket that on the label CLEARLY states that it only takes 2 minutes to make. Regardless, she stood there, laughing and telling us to just go to bed if we didn’t like the smell. We then told her we can’t go to sleep because the burnt smell and smoke had traveled up to the second floor, so no matter where we went we couldn’t escape the crisp Hot Pocket. She then tried to eat the Hot Pocket…the inside of it was just as black as the outside. Think of it as the opposite of a “Wigger”. Everybody stared to come home at that moment, and couldn’t help but cough, tear, and question the smell, so eventually there were about 6 or 7 of us in the kitchen, laughing at the situation. There was legitimate tar on the floor from the charred food. The next morning the kitchen still reeked of burnt something, and that’s when I realized part of the inside of the microwave was black.

MLIA? no.

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