Tag Archives: Celebrities

Had I Won That Mega Millions…

1 Apr

Yesterday was the first time I bought a lottery ticket. After asking two different strangers how to fill out the slip, I figured it out and had my ticket handy! Like most people, I knew the odds weren’t in my favor, or anyone’s for that matter, but I still had hope based off that clever slogan “Hey, you never know.” Well, most of me did know that I wouldn’t win but of course, like anyone, I had a tiny–and I mean microscopic/minuscule–glimmer of hope. So, with that hope, I decided to make a list of what I’d do with the money that I won.

First I decided to check off the box that would award the money to me across 26 annual payments as opposed to one lump sum. Why? Well, the man who explained to me how to do it suggested that for someone my age, that may be the smarter choice. My mom, however, then told me that the lump sum may have been better, God forbid something terrible happened and I didn’t survive for those 26 years after winning and then the rest of my winnings would go to no one. I explained to my mom that 1. the odds of me winning were so incredibly slim and 2. that, on the off chance I did win, I’d then also have to die before the age of 47 3. If I did win and came down with an illness or disease that would ultimately lead to that untimely death, I’d probably have enough money to ensure the best possible health care and treatment, so the the odds of me winning AND THEN dying before the age of 47 were so slim that I figured checking off the “26 annual payments” box was warranted. In the end, I didn’t win, but this was my thought process.

Here’s what I would have done with the money: (well, some of what I would have done)

-Financed a feature film that I wrote, directed and starred in and get Alec Baldwin, Rooney Mara, Meryl Streep, Emma Stone, Nick Offerman, Tina Fey and Dennis Quaid to co-star as my siblings.

-Bought out my grandmother’s apartment, along with the unit above hers, and made it into a kick-ass duplex and fill one floor with puppies and then have Miley Cyrus play at my apartment warming party.

-Donate at least $1,000,000 to Autism Speaks and the American Cancer Society.

-Build myself a walk in closet larger than my bedroom, most likely.

-Treat myself to a pair of authentic Nike “Tiffany SB” Dunks.

-Pay my way into guest starring on such TV shows as Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock, Modern Family and Pretty Little Liars until I became “that girl.”

-Finally produce my musical “Moo Shu Jew.”

-Give my mom and dad money

-Buy a neon green Lamborghini, blue Range Rover Sport and a matte black Mercedes G wagon.

I’d probably do some traveling, try that weird, ice cream sundae with the 14K gold flakes in it and some other weird stuff too, but I’d also put money away–duh!

Well, that’s some of what I would have done had I won last night. But I didn’t. So. Back to the usual life of A Ditk.


My First Time…Being Recognized in Public By A Stranger

4 Aug

No, I’m not a celebrity and no I didn’t star in the latest local college commercial, but apparently I did something right (or just really wrong) because yesterday I got recognized in public–by a completely random girl. Here’s how it all went down:

It was about 6PM and I was exiting my office building. The sky was a spittin’ so I popped open my newly purchased $14 umbrella and was on my way. Suddenly, I heard someone call my name, and ask if it was me. Intrigued, I said yes, and suddenly a young girl showed up in front of me. “Did you go to Camp Summit?” “Yes.” “Do you know so and so?” “Uh, kinda, why?” “Well, I was at her house the other day and we were watching your camp video year book from a few years back and she told me she can’t turn it off because she has to wait and see your division play basketball because you fall during it.” “Oh. Yes. Yes I fell.”

Then her mom stepped into the conversation and asked what I am doing now–like she knew me from my early childhood and wanted to know what I was up to with my life…um, ma’m I don’t even know your child let alone you. Regardless, being the friendly person that I am, I told them and she seemed…disinterested. Then, they just walked away. I don’t even think they said goodbye, and clearly they know who I am but I have no idea who the hell either of them are. A name from either of them would have been nice, but I suppose celebrities can’t get all of their fan’s names anyway. As they walked away I felt compelled to say “have fun and stay dry!” At least I know I did MY part to be polite.


So there you have it. I may have only been recognized for falling during an organized game of basketball during color war at my sleepaway camp 5 or so years ago, but hey, it happened. It may have been incredibly awkward and weird but I can never pass up an opportunity like that.


She should have asked for a picture. Maybe I would have pretended to fall for a nice, reenactment action shot.


5 Jan

So if you haven’t a;ready heard, the adorable couple that was Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal called it quits earlier today. Being notorious for writing songs about her failed relationships and not being secretive about the boy who broke her heart, jokes were immediately made about what Tay Tay’s song about Jakey-Poo would sound like. Well, ladies and gents, the lyrics for Taylor’s song about Jake have surfaced only to prove that she doesn’t mess around! I acquired them from a super, secret source, but just remember where you saw these lyrics first!!!!!!


Jake the Snake

Jake, Jake. I really liked you but you were fake, fake

Thought you were mine for the taking

But like your movies we started tanking, yeah


All I wanted was love and hugs

But all you gave me were some other drugs

You bought me presents that totaled a lot

And took me for coffee that really hit the spot

But it was availability and kindness that you lacked

You’re getting old so I guess you’ll have to go Brokeback


You were my Prince of Persia

As we sat under an October Sky

I was the Good Girl who walked a Moonlight Mile

Just to find Proof in your smile

I gave you everything, I was full of joy

Even forgave you for playing Bubble Boy

I guess I just don’t understand…I thought you were Spiderman


That night I turned 21

Wanted to stay in but you wanted to have fun

So you took my hand and away we went

Good time were had and money was spent

My phone rang at 11 PM

I just couldn’t miss this call again

My producer said he needs just one more song

Right then I knew we just couldn’t last long!


You were my Prince of Persia

As we sat under an October Sky

I was the Good Girl who walked a Moonlight Mile

Just to find Proof in your smile

I gave you everything, I was full of joy

Even forgave you for playing Bubble Boy

I guess I just don’t understand…I thought you were Spiderman


I know I’ll be sad

Thinking back on the good times we’ve had

But I know The Day After Tomorrow

My heart will no longer be filled with sorrow

So for now it’s time to make my bed

Besides, you were just a silly Jarhead

You were my Prince of Persia

As we sat under an October Sky

I was the Good Girl who walked a Moonlight Mile

Just to find Proof in your smile

I gave you everything, I was full of joy

Even forgave you for playing Bubble Boy

I guess I just don’t understand…I thought you were Spiderman


Fillin’ Seats

22 Nov

Tonight I was a “seat filler” at the American Music Awards. What’s a seat filler, you ask? Well, a seat filler is just a person who sits in seats randomly when one opens up so that the audience always appears to be full. This could be the seat of a celebrity like Taylor Swift or a nobody like John Smith. There were over 300 of us so I didn’t think I’d get to go anywhere but low and behold I ended up sitting in like the 16th row for the entire show because someone didn’t show up. I sat next to a guy that was in a band in the 90s called “Freak” but they were never signed. I got to see all of the performances and a lot of the artists would pass by and were only about 15-20 feet infront of me, so it was pretty cool. Before the show we were in a holding area right around the corner from where the performing artists’ trailers were, so P.Diddy, Usher, Ke$ha and half of the Backstreet Boys passed by me. That was fun. I stood outside of Miley’s trailer for a while, but no luck. Oh well, I guess it wasn’t meant to be. They gave us takeout containers with a turkey sandwich, cookies, chips and an apple while we were waiting in the holding area. We noticed there was a door leading inside to a tent that had food/hair/makeup for extras, dancers, stage hands, producers, etc. I wanted to go into that tent. A few of my friends got in, so I decided it aint no thang, so I just waltzed in with a few other people from my program. There was a carving station, dessert table, shrimp–a far cry from our styrofoam container lunches. I had a small, afternoon tea sized lemon cake. It was good, I suppose. Outside after the awards I saw Kelly Osbourne…I told her she looks amazing…she said “Thank you so much!” It was my moment of the night. After I got home, I changed and then went to Bob’s Big Boy (diner) with one of my friends. We had a delightful meal, and while we were standing in line waiting to pay after eating, I noticed that Corbin Bleu of High School Musical fame was standing behind me. That was also fun.

And that was my day. Not too shabby considering the seat I sat in was surrounded by people who paid $4,000 for their seats.


Dirty Pop-Culture

16 Aug

    I have suddenly come to the realization that celebrities are some how running my entire life. I listen to Miley and Hannah’s lyrics, and take them as personal advice on how to live my life, I want to go out an buy whatever Paris Hilton wears (obviously I don’t because I can neither fit into what she wears, or affords it) and lately I’ve only been attracted to guys whom resemble Seth Rogen…weird, I know. 

     Anyways, it got me thinking that maybe I’m just meant to be famous, ya know, a celebrity. I mean, those of you lucky enough to know my full last name know it’s definitely one that’s star-worthy, and isn’t forgotten easily. Now, what should I try to become famous for? 

I’m not a bad actress, but I don’t think I quite have the look.

I’m a horrible singer, so that’s out of the question, and I weigh over 100 pounds, so modeling is out too.

My parents aren’t rolling in money, so I can’t be famous for having money and being famous, and a sex tape is an absolute NO x 1,000,000,000.

So, what’s left on the “how to become famous” list?…maybe I’ll just keep writing and hope the right person stumbles upon my blog, and likes it enough to do something with it. I know that I definitely want to have a career in which I write for television and film, so we’ll see if I can make it to where I want to be. 

But just incase it happens someday….heyyyy Mr. Apatow, heyyyyyy!

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