Tag Archives: Holidays

(Where’s the)Spirit Air

27 Dec

Being an opinionated person, I have decided that every time I realize I hate something, I am going to award it the title of “The Worst_____.” This can mean anything from the worst restaurant to the worst brand of sneakers. Today, I am going to share with you an experience that resulted in me discovering THE WORST airline. Please remember this is all my opinion, but trust me, this airline SUCKS!

SPIRIT AIRLINES: I remember a few years back there was an airline by the name of Trans World Airlines, TWA for short. It was a running joke that the TWA  really stood for “The Worst Airline” which is probably a contributing factor to them closing their flight decks one last time and going out of business. I assumed they went bankrupt or something along the lines of that, but in actuality, it was because they could no longer compete with the new sheriff of shitty airlines in town—Spirit Airlines.

I had neither flown nor heard of Spirit before this year when my mom booked us on a flight down to Florida. For a flight the day after Christmas, all airlines wanted an arm and a leg, so my mom chose the cheaper Spirit Airlines, which only asked for some money…and my dignity.

I was skeptical about the airline from the very start. Yes, the roundtrip flights for the two of us came out to about $400 less overall than other airlines, but then they got us with all of their unnecessary fees. First let me say that (the) Spirit (of Halloween) Airlines prides themselves to be an airline in which you only have to pay for the amenities that you want. This sounded quite auspicious to me as I thought we’d be able to choose if we wanted to pay for a movie, upgraded meals or more leg room. Instead, the amenities they were referring to ended up being standard procedures/complimentary on every single other airline. You see, according to them, these amenities are: checking baggage, carrying on anything more than just one personal item, bigger seats and drinks…EVEN BOTTLED WATER. My mom got a hot tea…that’s hot water, a tea bag and a packet of Splenda= *$2. God forbid she wanted fresh lemon, that probably would have cost her an extra buck fifty, but luckily she carries around her own packets of lemon juice in her purse…perfectly normal. As I was saying, to check a bag-$26, to have a carry-on aside from ONE personal item-$30, sodas-$3, for a bigger seat-$75. The BEST part is that you have to pay for the flight and THEN you have to pay for a seat! I asked if you could just pay for the flight and stand the entire time, but of course this would be dangerous and against the law so the answer was “no.” Thus, in what world does that policy make any sense? Maybe Nebula or the Starship Enterprise, but definitely not America…probably not even Abu Dhabi.

Then we got on the plane. Leather seats…stained and most likely unsanitary. There was a black, oily looking substance lining the top of my headrest which I forced myself to ignore, and there wasn’t even enough room in front of the seats to fit a laptop. No televisions in headrests or suspended from the ceiling, aisles so thin even the Olsen twins would have to turn sideways to walk down them. It sucked…just shitty.

To give you an idea of just how awful this airline is, here’s a personal anecdote that unfolded just this morning. As you may or may not know, New York (my place of origin) is expected to get several inches of snow yesterday beginning in the early morning or afternoon. So naturally, in NY style, everyone rushed to change their flights to the earliest available which means overcrowding and overbooking which Spirit is first-rate at! It ended up that Spirit needed to make room for two customers, so they asked for two volunteers to give up their seats and in exchange for their kindness, they would receive $400 CASH each, 2 round trip tickets to ANYWHERE Spirit flies and a guaranteed seat on the next flight to Florida. They found their volunteers but once we were on the plane they had a late-comer who needed to make a cruise so she HAD to get on our flight. He offered the SAME deal to us, needing only one customer this time. No one raised their hands. Then he told us he’d be able to get that person on the next JetBlue flight out to Florida—at least 10 people raised their hand this time. Spirit Airlines is, and always should be, a last resort. Unless of course all the other airlines want $1,000 each way and Spirit is offering $5 flights. Otherwise, under no circumstance should you fly Spirit Airlines. What a displeasure.

My question is, where do they get off charging someone for a cup of luke warm water the size of a baby’s fist? Every single other airline, whether they charge for baggage or not, is kind enough to give out complimentary beverages other than alcohol. JetBlue even gives out snacks—GREAT snacks! Spirit was charging $4 for a bag of Combos. I’m truly surprised there wasn’t a coin slot next to the air vents above our seats. Same goes for a coin slot outside the bathroom…but then my mom told me that would be illegal.

* Of course this fee was not paid for because my mother complained the water wasn’t hot enough, so we just paid the $3 for my can of Coke Zero instead.


A Ditk’s Wish List

9 Dec

So, as previously noted, the holidays are coming right up, so I figured I’d give you all a little peak into my mind, and share with you my ultimate holiday (in my case Hanukkah) wish list for this season. Also, if you’re an extra generous reader, don’t be shy to head out to the stores and pick up a little something extra for me…you’ll get a shout out for it! If that’s not something you’d be interested in, well, then you’ll get nothing.

In no particular order…

World Peace

A new, larger capacity ipod

A new blackberry bold or curve (my current on is on the fritz)

DJ Hero

Band Hero

Digital Camera

To meet Miley Cyrus

CASH CASH CASH (checks are also accepted)

Now, I know what you’re thinking–what a typical Jew list. Yes, this may be true, but I can’t help it…I like to be technologically ahead of the game, and right now I am falling behind. I also don’t have room for anymore music on my current ipod, my blackberry is playing games in which I cannot win, and my digital camera only takes blurry pictures. SO, my list is full of items I need–don’t hate.

In a one-horse open DITK

Eight Reasons for Eight Nights

1 Dec

All of the left over turkey has been eaten and regurgitated by America’s bulimic elite, and Mariah Carey is back on the radio; this can only mean one thing–Christmas is right around the corner…that’s my problem. Unless you’re actually Jewish, you completely forget that Chanukah is just around the riverbed as well! I understand that the gentile holiday, Christmas, is celebrated because it was the day Jesus was brought into this world, but guess what?–before you stuffed your evil step-mother’s stocking with coal, HE spun the dreidel. Yes, that’s right, Jesus was Jewish, so everyone reading this post who is NOT Jewish is hereby not allowed to get offended. Now that we’ve got that disclaimer disguised as an intro out of the way, here is a list of eight reasons, plus one for good luck, why Chanukah is a better holiday than Christmas.

1. Hanukkah setup is simple: take the menorah out of the closet, set it down on a table…done. Christmas on the other hand: get in the car, pick out a tree, buy said tree, figure out how to fit the tree through your front door, realize the tree is too tall, take the tree outback and trim the tree, bring the tree back inside, get it to stand up straight, decorate the tree, get the ladder, climb the ladder, place the star on top, clean up all the broken ornaments that may have fallen in the process.

2. Eight nights of presents, need I say more?

3. Celebration of the miracle of oil lasting 8 days and nights as opposed to the expected 1 night, not just a birthday. (I was born August 9th…no one puts up a tree on my birthday because multiple people are born everyday. Sometimes I wonder if there was another local boy born on the same day as Jesus, and what did he get? a teddy bear. Jesus got a holiday, how is that fair?) The Jews then went on to defeat the Macabees. We won a war…just sayin’.

4. Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel. We have a fun game associated with our holiday. You may have missile-toe, but we have gambling…for chocolate!

5. Adam Sandler’s Chanukah songs parts 1, 2 & 3. We may not have as many songs as Christmas does, but at least ours are funny, and not upsetting like our grandmothers getting killed by fictional creatures.

6. Latkes, a.k.a potato pancakes.

7. No annoying bells, no fresh pine full of allergens, no annoying carolers knocking on your door at inconvenient times (we already have telemarketers calling during dinner, we don’t need pseudo-opera knocking on our doors in addition)

8. No derogatory references to women (HO HO HO)?

9.(For the 9th candle, a.k.a the Shamash) Last but not least, no ugly sweaters. Amen.

And there you have it folks. Please don’t hate me, for I am not a bitter Jew, but a Jew that believes Chanukah (Hanukkah) doesn’t receive enough credit. The “Winter recess” is referred to as “Christmas Vacation”, schools do not get off for Chanukah, but ALWAYS get off for Christmas and overall, I just feel as if Chanukah is treated as Christmas’ ugly cousin. Chanukah gets no respect from gentiles, yet Christmas gets respect from many a Jew, because we are respectful of your holiday and celebrations. So please, next time you see a Jew excited that Chanukah starts at sundown, PLEASE don’t go over to them and ask them to jingle your bells and throw “Christmas spirit” into their face because they’ll throw hot Latke grease on you, and it will HO HO hurt.

Happy Holidays everybody!

Love Always,

A Merry Little Ditk

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