Tag Archives: Jewish

MahJongg Wednesdays

9 Jun

So it’s official–I have retired, but only temporarily, of course. Also, only on Wednesdays. You see, this summer I will be partaking in a MahJongg game night every Wednesday night with my grandmother and 3-4 of her friends. Last night was our first game and let’s just say it was quite interesting. The way these women kvetch leaves me schvitzing and kvelling. Oy vey. Last night served as a refresher for some of the ladies as they haven’t played in a while, but my grandma is a pro. She’s been playing forever, has gone on MahJongg cruises for years AND she was once asked to help create the official MahJongg hand card one year. She won the first three games last night, but, I won the last two! Too bad we weren’t playing for money because my hands would have won me a whopping $00.50. Yes, 50 cents.


More to come on this weekly gathering…unless the ladies decide it won’t work, in which case I will blame myself because they’re intimidated by my youth.


The Nose Knows

23 Mar

The other day I found myself in a local CVS to pick up some small items–water bottle, gum, chapstick–the necessities. I was walking toward the drink section when I was stopped by a woman holding a Toblerone chocolate bar while browsing the candy aisle. She stopped me with an “excuse me” followed by “I don’t know if you know this or not, but does this symbol mean this is Kosher?” I looked at her, and looked down at the circled K she was pointing at near the bottom of the Toblerone box. I looked up and said “yes”, she said “thank you”. That day, I learned that I look Jewish, and apparently knowledgeable. Is it in the nose? Is it in my skin tone? It is in my get up of velour, Juicy sweatpants and American Apparel v-neck t-shirt? Who knows?–well, the chocolate bar lady must. I rewarded myself with a pack of Hannah Montana scene cards and some Sour Patch Kids, what an exhilarating 10 minutes that was.

I’m Not Cheap!

16 Feb

Here’s an article I just had published in a Jewish, college publication. I’m very pleased because it is not only circulated on my college campus, but other colleges across the country as well. It’s about Jewish stereotypes, I hope you enjoy it as much as my mom did! Wow, that made me sound lame, didn’t it?

It has never been easy being Jewish. First we wandered through the desert for 40 years, then came ten years of Hebrew school, and now that both have come to an end, I’m still schvitzing from the stress. Now, you may be thinking, “Why do you feel such stress? Did you lose your menorah? Was the store out of Kedem grape juice?” The truth is, as much as Jewish stereotypes entertain me, they also stress me out. Though I attend a predominantly Jewish university, I still find myself to be one among my group of gentile friends, which places me in the crossfire for common Jew jokes.

Not a day passes by when I don’t hear a friend express interest in a new object-such as a Kindle or a Nintendo Wii- and then tell me to ask my father if he can purchase one for him this holiday season. That’s the first and most prominent Jewish stereotype: all Jews have a lot of money. Now, this may be true for some Jewish families, but it is equally as true for some non- Jewish families. Just because it may seem that every Jewish family you know is wealthy does not mean every Jewish family is rolling in dough. Not to mention, there are plenty of Jewish families who face tough economic times, and these comments may make them feel inferior.

The idea of Jewish people always having more money than non-Jews plays a large part in the next common stereotype: Jews are cheap. I don’t even see why any of this needs to be explained, confirmed or denied, because if the reason why you believe your neighbors, the Weinsteins, just bought a brand new Mercedes for their teenage daughter Rifka is because they have a lot of money, how does that make them frugal? But if the minimum of $30,000 was just dropped on a brand new Benz, don’t you think a frugal Jew would have opted for a Kia, or a used Mercedes at best? It just doesn’t make sense when you claim Jews are stingy, yet think they have a lot of money because of all the “cool” stuff they possess. If anything, Jews are just good investors and know how to spend when the time is right, which only ties back into the first stereotype I presented.

That brings me to my final stereotype. A cliché so common that I don’t even need to state it. All I need to say is this-my mother and father are neither doctors nor lawyers. No, I wasn’t born Jewish and then adopted by non-Jewish parents who let me keep and practice my birth religion. My parents just didn’t choose those career paths. No surprise, though, because, despite popular belief, this happens. And it happens quite often. Most of my family is in construction or catering. Once again, just because your doctor’s lab coat reads “Goldstein” or “Greenberg” doesn’t mean every doctor in the world kisses a mezuzah before entering a building.

So now I ask you, Jews and gentiles alike, to think about what you say before you say it. Your reliable Jewish friend that you always hit up for cash may have been hit hard financially because of the current state of the economy-or just because of the Madoff scandal-and a “rich Jew” comment may hit home with him. Jews are just as entitled and likely to choose a career path they feel comfortable with over one they are expected to take, just like anybody in the good world. For me, I want to be a television or film writer.

So please stop throwing pennies at my feet and waiting to see how long it takes for me to pick them up. I only pick up quarters, and I’m sure non-Moses-lovers do too.

Thanks to Schmooze Magazine! I hope to write more for their publication in the future.



Muy Interesante.

18 Aug

     So “lost in translation” seemed to be the theme of my day today. I stumbled into language barriers on numerous occasions, mainly while at work, per usual. It first began when a family came in for lunch, and it became quite clear that they really only spoke broken english. It was great, actually, because the mother and father were caucasian, and I’m pretty sure spoke French, but their kid was full-blown Asian–that family reeked of adoption…not in a bad way obviously because adoption is a good thing, but I’m just saying it was obvious. Then another family came in, also poor english speakers, but the father spoke ok english, as for his wife and his son…oy vey. After those customers left, the translation issues pretty much dissipated for a while, and instead I just got to marvel at the young couple who came in to eat, and said grace before they chowed down. I didn’t know it was so common to say grace at a restaurant, but it’s the second time I’ve seen it this week, so I guess it’s pretty trendy now-a-days. Then there was the woman who tipped me 6 cents. SIX CENTS! Good thing she left the money in the bill-holder on the table and left before I saw it otherwise I would have handed her the change and given a look dirtier than a gas station bathroom. She’s lucky! 

     So, if you were worried that my encounters with foreign languages were over for the day, well, you thought wrong, and you’re in luck, because there’s one more! I was in the kitchen, and the chef, who only speaks spanish, decided to ask me some questions. Now, I may not be fluent, but 7 years of spanish classes is definitely enough to help me understand and participate in basic conversations, like the one he was trying to have with me. Skipping over the bullshit, and cutting right to the chase, he asked if I had a novio, aka a boyfriend. I laughed, because english speaking, jewish boys never ask me this question, and said “no”. He looked shocked–and you don’t need to speak someone’s language to understand their facial expressions! He then asked if he could be my boyfriend and wanted a kiss (this probably had to do with earlier when I said “muchos besos para tu para mi comida” after he made my dinner for me. I don’t know why I said that, I thought I was being polite–not leading him on! So I felt bad and blew him a kiss, but he said no–clearly there was too much air between us for his liking. So then he pointed to my face so I was like “oh, what the hell”, and leaned in for him to kiss me on the cheek, when it became apparent to me that he was trying for my lips, I turned, he got cheek, I left the kitchen. End of story. 

     Later that night my mom and I went to see a play in the city that her co-worker produced, it was called Sex And The Holy Land…it was about a girl who travels to Israel with 2 friends to find her orgasm…what a GREAT show to see with my mom, let me tell you. The show happened to be great, actually, and it was very funny and jam-packed with Jewish humor–just the way I like it! 

Overall, today wasn’t the weirdest day I’ve encountered, but some of it’s moments are up there…and the Mets lost 10-1…and I found out David Wright is on the 15 day disabled list…I’m expecting Citi Field to burn down sometime in the next few weeks, because with all these injuries acquired by our top, core players, it’s unfathomable what will happen to the Mets next…

Such is life.

P.S it is now officially Tuesday, August 18th, which means THE HANNAH MONTANA MOVIE IS OUT ON DVD!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m getting my copy later today kids, you better go get yours too! But, save one for me!

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