Tag Archives: Perez Hilton

BREAKING NEWS!

5 Jan

So if you haven’t a;ready heard, the adorable couple that was Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal called it quits earlier today. Being notorious for writing songs about her failed relationships and not being secretive about the boy who broke her heart, jokes were immediately made about what Tay Tay’s song about Jakey-Poo would sound like. Well, ladies and gents, the lyrics for Taylor’s song about Jake have surfaced only to prove that she doesn’t mess around! I acquired them from a super, secret source, but just remember where you saw these lyrics first!!!!!!

 

Jake the Snake

Jake, Jake. I really liked you but you were fake, fake

Thought you were mine for the taking

But like your movies we started tanking, yeah

 

All I wanted was love and hugs

But all you gave me were some other drugs

You bought me presents that totaled a lot

And took me for coffee that really hit the spot

But it was availability and kindness that you lacked

You’re getting old so I guess you’ll have to go Brokeback

 

You were my Prince of Persia

As we sat under an October Sky

I was the Good Girl who walked a Moonlight Mile

Just to find Proof in your smile

I gave you everything, I was full of joy

Even forgave you for playing Bubble Boy

I guess I just don’t understand…I thought you were Spiderman

 

That night I turned 21

Wanted to stay in but you wanted to have fun

So you took my hand and away we went

Good time were had and money was spent

My phone rang at 11 PM

I just couldn’t miss this call again

My producer said he needs just one more song

Right then I knew we just couldn’t last long!

 

You were my Prince of Persia

As we sat under an October Sky

I was the Good Girl who walked a Moonlight Mile

Just to find Proof in your smile

I gave you everything, I was full of joy

Even forgave you for playing Bubble Boy

I guess I just don’t understand…I thought you were Spiderman

 

I know I’ll be sad

Thinking back on the good times we’ve had

But I know The Day After Tomorrow

My heart will no longer be filled with sorrow

So for now it’s time to make my bed

Besides, you were just a silly Jarhead

You were my Prince of Persia

As we sat under an October Sky

I was the Good Girl who walked a Moonlight Mile

Just to find Proof in your smile

I gave you everything, I was full of joy

Even forgave you for playing Bubble Boy

I guess I just don’t understand…I thought you were Spiderman

 

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EX-Tina

7 Jun

So the MTV Movie Awards happened last night. The show wasn’t awful, like some past years, but it wasn’t mind-blowing like everyone hyped it up to be either. Some high points were Sandra Bullock accepting her “Lifetime Achievement” award, Ken Jeong’s heartfelt acceptance speech that ended in tears and a raunchy kiss shared by Get Him To The Greek stars Russel Brand and Jonah Hill. One part that absolutely drove me insane, though, was Christina Aguilera’s performance of a medly of songs off of her new album Bionic.

Now, normally I would have absolutely no problem with a performance by X-Tina because she’s talented and a great performer/entertainer, but last night, she literally wasn’t herself (no pun intended…ok, you got me, pun intended) She had her hair done like Gwen Stefani, an outfit that Lady GaGa would model and backup dancers that Marilyn Manson would hire for one of his dark music videos. Basically, she was just a giant copy-cat of every performer but herself. What really upsets me is the fact that Christina is actually extrememly talented! She has an abolutely outstanding voice and can dance and dress to match. So why does she feel the need to go the route of auto-tune and skankiness?

Well, I have no idea, but I wish someone would just tell her to be herself, so even though there’s probably more of a chance that I’ll see a man riding a unicycle while juggling flaming bowling pins later today than her actually seeing this blog post, I am going to tell her myself!

Be that same Geenie in a Bottle that no one can bring down today because she is Beautiful, inside and out. You have inspired the world with your voice and your songs, well, your older ones at least.

In a nutshell, STOP TRYING TO BE SOMEONE YOU’RE NOT, Christina. Your name isn’t Lady XX and it isn’t GaGa either. Lady GaGa is a pop sensation at the moment and she cannot be stopped, no matter how much you auto tune your voice so STOP trying to rival her. You should have stopped the moment you dyed your hair platinum blonde and threw on a corset.

My advice to you is to sing, girl. Sing your heart out. Don’t shop around for “sick beats” and drum machines because that’s not who you are. That’s not the same Christina who had to be rubbed the right way because now you’re rubbing your fans the wrong way. Stick to simple chords and rhythms like the ones that launched you into this business otherwise you’re going to find yourself no where near the top 100, let alone the top 10. I still cannot believe that you lip-synced last night. YOU?! LIP-SYNC?!?! You and that hyphenated word should never belong within 500 ft. of eachother. You are a POWERHOUSE. You are a DIVA. Be Christina Aguilera and no one else.

Consider me the one who rubbed the bottle you’ve been stuck in, Christina. I’m letting you out of the world you’ve been stuck in. Grab some visine and see this opportunity for what it truly is–a second chance. You must know by now that what you’ve been doing isn’t working out when GaGa’s tour is doing amazing all over the world and yours had to be cancelled just as fast as hers sold-out. Just listen, X, and the world will be able to sleep again at night.

I may not be as musically sound as Perez, but trust me…I’m not a moron.

-Ditk

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