Today I was at a fine dining establishment with a few of my friends. After receiving our food one of my friends, who ordered steak, seemed somewhat confused but excited at the same time. That’s when she told us “this is the first time I’m cutting my own steak…my dad usually does it for me!” She said this like there was nothing wrong with it. Like there was nothing wrong with the fact that a 20 year old had never, until this very day, cut her own steak. I told her you cut it the same way you’d cut any other food and then she told me she usually just cuts things with her fork. I face-palmed at that very moment. She just didn’t get it “like what’s good? I don’t know what’s good!” she was talking about what parts were meat and what parts were fat. I told her it would be obvious. She also held her knife quite weird.
It makes me think of how fortunate I am to have grown up in a family where I was given the chance to cut my steak at such a young age. Never take anything in life for granted!
I will say, however, that at 21 I still get my steak knife taken away from me quite often because I play with it too much. You know, I cut the paper table cloth and such…tap on the water glass…my mom doesn’t trust me.
My family is loud. Each and every member of my family loves attention, loves talking and loves being acknowledged and I love them all for that very reason. Today, me, my aunt and two of her daughters (my cousins) took a little trip to the mall so one of them could find a dress for her grad school graduation…tomorrow. We love last minute opportunities. Anyways, our last stop was Nordstrom. I told my cousin most of the dresses were on the second floor (women’s) but she wanted to go to the third floor (juniors)–I guess that’s an acceptable move when you’re as thing as she is…sigh. So there we are on the third floor. She looked around for dresses but couldn’t seem to find anything that she liked, though I constantly pulled out dressed with absolutely any trace of purple, her favorite color, in them. She didn’t like any of them so she decided to head back to the second floor–A Ditk knows best! (Well, in this case, she’s A Ditk too, but we won’t get into that…I was just referring to myself…as in I know best.) As she headed down the escalator, “Pocket Full of Sunshine” came on over the in store sound system. My aunt started dancing a little and mouthing the words as I looked at her with…encouragement. We wandered over to the jewelry where my aunt was looking at a necklace. She turned to talk to her other daughter, but instead of listening, my cousin just started BELTING the song. AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS. I looked around, half in horror half in laughter, to find each and every person in the store staring at my cousin. I turned back to look at her. My aunt was staring at her, right in the face. I don’t think she knew what to do. She continued on with the song–“TAKE ME AWAY. A SECRET PLACE. A SWEET ESCAPE….” I didn’t know what to do, so I ran down the escalator. That’s when I saw my other cousin. She was shaking her head…she too could hear her sister singing…while she was on the second floor. At this point I had stomach pains I was laughing so hard to the tune of my cousin singing. I couldn’t believe that had actually happened, but then again my cousin has no shame…and a pretty great voice. After all was said and done, she walked around like she didn’t just try out for American Idol in the middle of the junior’s clothing section in a Nordstrom in a mall on Long Island.
My cousin never did find a dress.
I love my family.
So I have been keeping a tab on one of my friends who always seems to encounter crazy people and situations at work. She is an employee of the department of recreation here at our school, but all that really means is that she swipes ID cards and loans equipment out to people at the gym on campus. Earlier this year, she showed me a book she started last year where she wrote down some of these instances, and I told her she should try and continue to record them and I would give her a section on my blog. Nonetheless, she hasn’t written anything else down, but she did approach me today with a story that is more than worthy of a place on my blog. Basically, the other day she was working with a boy whom she had never worked with before, when she began to notice he seemed like he needed a little help…mentally. Being the kind person that she is (why would I be friends with a bitch?) she asked him what was wrong, and that’s when he dropped the bomb. You see, this boy, we’ll call him Mike for all intensive purposes, was in a relationship with a girl for the first half of this semester, but a few weeks ago she abrutly packed up and left campus without saying a word to anyone–including Mike. Obviously Mike was baffled, so he tried to get in touch with her but was not able to do so. A few days later, Mike was surfing the web and ended up on Facebook, much like any other college student, and decided to click on her page to see if he could figure out her whereabouts. Before he was even able to look at her wall, he was stopped dead in his (eye) tracks by her status: “R.I.P Mike Jr.” If you cannot put 2 and 2 together–Mike had gotten her pregnant, she didn’t tell him but told her mother who then pulled her out of school and she got an abortion. She did however name the baby, after Mike–how sentimental. What a proper way to inform a boy he’s going to be a father! Or…would be going to be a father had there been no abortion?
I’d like to thank my friend for this rather entertaining/upsetting story–keep up the good work eavesdropping!
I recently emailed the head of a new “comedic” website, imakeulol.com, because they had an ad, obviously on Craigslist, that they are looking for new writers to join their staff. The guy emailed me back and asked if he could see a sample of my work, but asked that it would be a piece that followed the “guidelines” of their fake-ads. So, I looked up the 2 fake ads posted on their page, and picked one of their fictional character descriptions, also posted on their site, to use in the piece, and just went to town. I was totally lost and confused, at 2am, trying to figure out how I was supposed to write this piece, especially since this is not the type of writing I’m used to. I know I’ve never done it. Anyways, I finished the piece, didn’t even bother to look it over, and sent it to the guy. This is the response I got from him today:
I think your work has a long way to go before it can offer a smile on the face
of our viewers. The language is totally inappropriate and the way you drop the
"F" bomb constantly has me itching to find out your address so i can send over
my church group in order to save your soul. Also your sterotypical use of words
for the characters was uncalled for as well as our editor here at the office
(Mr. Thai Won Shoo) nearly barfed his sushi on the .99 cent keyboard that I had
just purchased for him at the local Goodwill store. We are a very upscale and
classy business as you probably have noticed by now so if you could please tone
it down just a bit I'll call of my holy crusaders and inform to Thai that he
must lock up his chinese stars when you meet him. Other than that, thanks for
the piece. We'll be in touch.
So obviously I responded:
I was simply just trying to capture
> the essence of the description of that character. But, as
> said, I'm still a student so my writing is still being
> molded and sculpted into something, which is clearly still
> short of Michaelangelo's "David". I thank you for your witty
> feedback though, cheers, and goodluck with the site.
Then, he responded back:
Ahhh Allie, i was hoping for a more playfull response. You just need to get
molded and in the zone and you'll do just fine. I'll take you under my wing and
you'll do just fine. I meant no attack on your writing and hopefully you did not
take it that way. You have talent and i'd like to work with you. What do you
I knew something didn’t seem Kosher after the first email. If it’s a comedy website, what’s wrong with a little profanity here and there? Also, the whole “Chinese” thing, with broken english and cursing was entirely taken from the description of his character, who just so happens to be named “Fuk Yoo”…so I did no wrong, and I guess it was all good in the end.