Tag Archives: fire

Takes Two Minutes

21 Dec

Tonight, the unthinkable happened; this is how it all went down…

My friend and I, you know the Irish one, were watching a movie in the TV room of our sorority house when we smelled something odd. “Is something burning?” asked my friend. I took in a whiff and soon realized that something was definitely burning. That’s when we walked into the kitchen to find one of our sisters (21 years old) drunk, standing in front of the microwave while smoke was legitimately pouring out of it. Immediately I yelled at her and told her to open the microwave to let it air out. Finally, after arguing with her for a solid minute or so, she agreed to open it up, and when she did, the entire room filled with smoke. Now, this situation sent my Irish friend and I into a small panic, because if you can recall the time the fire alarm was set off when I was cooking, my Irish friend was involved in that too, so we did NOT want to go through that again. Anyways, once the smoke cleared enough I was able to see what was in the microwave. Sitting before my eyes, on the rotating disc in the microwave was a burnt-to-a-crisp Hot Pocket. I couldn’t understand how she managed to completely char a Hot Pocket that on the label CLEARLY states that it only takes 2 minutes to make. Regardless, she stood there, laughing and telling us to just go to bed if we didn’t like the smell. We then told her we can’t go to sleep because the burnt smell and smoke had traveled up to the second floor, so no matter where we went we couldn’t escape the crisp Hot Pocket. She then tried to eat the Hot Pocket…the inside of it was just as black as the outside. Think of it as the opposite of a “Wigger”. Everybody stared to come home at that moment, and couldn’t help but cough, tear, and question the smell, so eventually there were about 6 or 7 of us in the kitchen, laughing at the situation. There was legitimate tar on the floor from the charred food. The next morning the kitchen still reeked of burnt something, and that’s when I realized part of the inside of the microwave was black.

MLIA? no.


Don’t Be Alarmed, I’ll do that for you…

4 Oct

Another day in The Life of A Ditk means another outlandish occurrence. I was at home, in my hometown, and it was time for me to wake up in preparation for my 8:00am flight. My mom came in and woke me up, because I’m obviously not responsible enough to wake myself up at 6:45am on a Sunday, so she was put in charge of that action. Once I woke, she said something smelled, and claimed it was me (she loves me…a lot) so I was like “umm should I take a shower?” and she said “umm, yes.” So, with onlly and hour and fifteen minutes until my flight, I got into the shower. We finally left the house around 7:15, and arrived at the airport at 7:30–the time my flight was set to board. I already had my boarding pass printed out, and I was all checked in and not checking any bags, so I assumed I was all good to go, and wasn’t worried at all–then I walked inside. The security line was outrageous! It was so long–this is when I started to sweat. I waited on a line for a few minutes until I got up to the TSA officers who check IDs and make sure our last names aren’t Bin Laden, I asked them if there was any way I could expedite the security process so I wouldn’t miss my flight, and they redirected me to someone in a bright orange construction vest. The only problem was that it was borderline impossible for me to get to said worker as there were about 50 people in front of me. I pushed my way through the crowd, cutting all of them, until I found the worker and asked if I could cut ahead so I wouldn’t miss my flight. She was more than willing to help me out, so I got to one of the tables and removed my shoes, laptop, and jacket respectively and found myself waiting AGAIN because people are SO SLOW at the security line…sheesh. When all was said and done, I got to the gate at 7:40, with 20 minutes to spare. When I got on the plane I was out of breath only to find 7 other passengers on the plane…great. The only thought running through my mind at this point was that the 8 of us were hand-picked to die that day…I started sweating again. Finally my plane took off 30 minutes late, and I was on my way back to school.

So, I had just returned from my 19-hour stay at home and my friend picked me up at the airport. I decided to go right to the sorority house as I thought there would be someone awake, but I have no clue what I was thinking as it was 9:30 in the morning, on a Sunday. Once my friend went upstairs to rest, I took that as a good sign to head back to my dorm and take a nap, as I had been awake since 6:45 in the morning. I ended up falling asleep until about 1:30pm, when I then realized there was a philanthropic event taking place that I needed to be at. I dragged myself out of bed, put on the same clothes I wore on the plane earlier, and hobbled over to the event where I watched my sisters DOMINATE the competition taking first place in both events! It was so great and I was so happy!

After rejoicing about our victory, we ventured back into the house to chat and have some lunch, when one of my friends walked into the room with a play containing the most vile looking grilled cheese sandwich known to man. She told me she had to make 2 of them for one of our other sisters because she got hungry at 6:30am and had decided to eat the other sisters food, so now she had to make them over again just to be fair. So, I told her I was an expert in the grilled cheese department, and with that I went into the kitchen and got a-grillin’. I made the first sandwich with ease and was so impressed with myself–it didn’t go so well with the second one. You see, I’ve never used an industrial-style stove before, so I was unaware of how hot the pan gets, thus when I put the butter in to grease it for the next sandwich, it basically burned and created lots of smoke almost instantaneously. With that, I asked my friend, the Irish one, if she had remembered to turn the air vent on prior to using the stove to prevent the smoke alarm from going off–she said no, because she didn’t know how to. I suggested that probably wasn’t the best idea, but she assured me everything would be fine. I was placing the bread on top of the cheese and BEEEEEEP BEEEEEEP BEEEEEP–the fire alarm went off. I screamed “I TOLD YOU SO!” and then everyone, including me, ran out of the house in fire drill fashion and onto the front porch. I soon realized I had left my friend behind in the kitchen, but I also knew there wasn’t really a fire so it was ok. The firetrucks soon arrived, along with the marshall and possibly a few members of DPS, and I just sat there blaming everyone but myself. Everyone got a good laugh out of it, obviously, including the lady from National Headquarters that had just arrived to stay with us for a few days–we really know how to make someone feel welcome…or at least I do.

What a life.

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