The other day was quite the interesting one, and what kind of blogger would I be if I didn’t share it with the entire internet?…My sentiments exactly. So it all started out at the end of my last class when I was chatting with one of my friends. We both expressed interest in going to the movies, and that we should definitely arrange something. So two hours later, we were on the move. We got to the mall with about negative 3 minutes to spare, but made it just in time for the actual movie, minus the credits. We saw 500 Days of Summer, and I give it 3 stars (out of 5), granted I’m no certified, professional movie critic, but I like to think I know what I’m talking about. Anyways, after the movie we realized it was still early, and wanted to hit up another movie. We walked down the hall surveying out options, and somehow settled on Shorts…rated G…I am 19 and my friend is 20–that is all. We were the only 2 in the theatre, and with good reason, seeing that it was a Thursday evening, and we were seeing a 9:35pm children’s movie. Overall, I would give the movie a half a star, from my perspective, but I tried to view it through the lens of a 4-8 year old, so in that sense I’d give it 4 stars. We left the theatre, to find we, and the janitors, were the only human beings left in the entire mall, so we rushed out and then ran to the car as we feared someone was going to try and kill us…don’t ask.
So later that night was another sober night for me, per usual, but I still went out with my friends to a few parties. After staying at 3 different parties for only about 10 minutes each, I decided to stop in at my sorority house to see who was around. As it turns out , there were quite a few of my “sisters” present, so obviously I had to make things more interesting. I told some stories, they told some stories, we talked about religions, and The Messiah, and maybe the fact that the reason it hasn’t come yet was because I will be the one to give birth to it. I don’t really know where that came from, but it happened, and that’s that. Then, things got interesting. I’m a bartender, so I was describing some drinks I’ve seen/heard of, when I brought up an Australian suicide tequila shot, in which you snort a line of salt, take a shot of tequila, and then squeeze lime into your eye–I no longer want to visit Australia. So I lined up some salt to demonstrate what the setup looks like, improvising for the tequila with a salt shaker, and the lime with, well, nothing. Then I stopped to wonder–what would happen if I simply snorted the salt in front of me? I was sure that it would burn, sting, and possibly make me vomit, but I didn’t care, I wanted to be able to add to a conversation of “I wonder what happens when you snort salt” by saying “Oh, I know what it’s like…it burns, I know from experience” and then wink at them like a really cool person, who is actually a total loser. So after this thought processed, I went in for the kill–I snorted a small line of salt. About 5 of my sisters were there to witness it, and couldn’t control themselves as they were dying from laughter. One of them conveniently had a cell phone with a video camera, so fortunately she recorded the entire thing. Once I was done, it took a few seconds to settle in, but once it did, HOLY SHIT–worst experience of my life. It was in my nasal cavity, and I could feel it entering my respiratory area. I asked someone for a glass of water, and they rushed to get me one, I then stuck my nose in the glass of water and snorted that as well. Trust me, it was completely necessary. After all was said and done I felt sick and proud–winning combo. I then decided to call it a night, and went home. For future reference, don’t snort salt, just live vicariously through me, I promise you, it was way too painful to deal with.
Cheers,
A Ditk
Tags: 500 Days of Summer, Salt, Shorts
The Life of A Ditk 