Yesterday was the first time I bought a lottery ticket. After asking two different strangers how to fill out the slip, I figured it out and had my ticket handy! Like most people, I knew the odds weren’t in my favor, or anyone’s for that matter, but I still had hope based off that clever slogan “Hey, you never know.” Well, most of me did know that I wouldn’t win but of course, like anyone, I had a tiny–and I mean microscopic/minuscule–glimmer of hope. So, with that hope, I decided to make a list of what I’d do with the money that I won.
First I decided to check off the box that would award the money to me across 26 annual payments as opposed to one lump sum. Why? Well, the man who explained to me how to do it suggested that for someone my age, that may be the smarter choice. My mom, however, then told me that the lump sum may have been better, God forbid something terrible happened and I didn’t survive for those 26 years after winning and then the rest of my winnings would go to no one. I explained to my mom that 1. the odds of me winning were so incredibly slim and 2. that, on the off chance I did win, I’d then also have to die before the age of 47 3. If I did win and came down with an illness or disease that would ultimately lead to that untimely death, I’d probably have enough money to ensure the best possible health care and treatment, so the the odds of me winning AND THEN dying before the age of 47 were so slim that I figured checking off the “26 annual payments” box was warranted. In the end, I didn’t win, but this was my thought process.
Here’s what I would have done with the money: (well, some of what I would have done)
-Financed a feature film that I wrote, directed and starred in and get Alec Baldwin, Rooney Mara, Meryl Streep, Emma Stone, Nick Offerman, Tina Fey and Dennis Quaid to co-star as my siblings.
-Bought out my grandmother’s apartment, along with the unit above hers, and made it into a kick-ass duplex and fill one floor with puppies and then have Miley Cyrus play at my apartment warming party.
-Donate at least $1,000,000 to Autism Speaks and the American Cancer Society.
-Build myself a walk in closet larger than my bedroom, most likely.
-Treat myself to a pair of authentic Nike “Tiffany SB” Dunks.
-Pay my way into guest starring on such TV shows as Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock, Modern Family and Pretty Little Liars until I became “that girl.”
-Finally produce my musical “Moo Shu Jew.”
-Give my mom and dad money
-Buy a neon green Lamborghini, blue Range Rover Sport and a matte black Mercedes G wagon.
I’d probably do some traveling, try that weird, ice cream sundae with the 14K gold flakes in it and some other weird stuff too, but I’d also put money away–duh!
Well, that’s some of what I would have done had I won last night. But I didn’t. So. Back to the usual life of A Ditk.
The Life of A Ditk 
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