Just Call Me Sugar

6 Jul

 

I suddenly realized last night that I have fallen out of touch with my blog, and therefore my people, if I even have any. Luckily, something happened last night that was not only blog worth, but just all around news worthy as well. It was an evening of epic proportions, kind of, and one hell of a story unfolded about a man named sugar and his lady friend, or daughter, or wife, or estranged lover.

It was a night like any other. My father, step mommy dearest and my friend all took a trip to Citi Field to watch the Mets take on the Reds. The game was intense, full of everything you could ever want in a baseball game–ejections, bad calls, fights, comebacks, home runs–but that wasn’t the most entertaining aspect of last night. You see, the four of us were sitting in the Sterling club having dinner on the outside patio when an interesting character showed up. A woman, who my father claims is 51 going on 30, appeared in a baby blue belly shirt that my friend claimed she had in 8th grade. This woman, who we’re going to call BABY just for the sake of this blog, was deemed absurd by me and everyone around her the instant she walked out onto that patio. First of all, she clearly didn’t grasp the concept of the club we were in. I guess she isn’t educated enough to understand that you have to sit down in a seat, and then it took her a while to understand that said seats are first come first serve. Once she was notified of this procedure via the waitress, she turned to the man she is with and notified him of the situation.

I say “the man” because this is where the dilemma sets in. She was with an older man, he had to be in his late 50s early 60s, who was balding and grey-haired. At first sight one would think they were just another odd couple–holding hands, getting cozy during the singing of the National Anthem, locking eyes in an endless gaze–but then one would hear her constantly calling him “daddy.” Now, I was with my father so once he returned to the table I explained the situation to him and he figured they were just a true daddy-daughter pair, but then I told him about the kanoodling and hand holding and he made a face of disgust and wonder. It was then that we all decided he was her sugar daddy, and from then on we referred to him as Sugar.

We watched the duo make a move from sitting in someone else’s seats, to standing, to finding other chairs to sit in, to trying to reserve a table for when they ordered food, which they did while standing up. At this point, Baby was walking around with a glass of wine. Finally the family that was sitting at one of the tables got up and a couple approached the table to sit at it, but not before Baby ran across the patio to let them know otherwise. She screamed at them from across the way and mad a scene for no reason. The couple then asks our favorite duo if they could share the table because there were 4 seats. Sugar said yes, but then Baby got in Sugar’s face and seemed disgusted with that idea, so the duo let the new couple have the table, apparently it wasn’t good enough for them anyway.

Baby then accumulated a glass of soda. For those of you keeping track, she was now double-fisting with one glass of wine and one cup of soda.

A few moments passed and another table opened up and Baby raced over to obtain it. She rested her 2 glasses on the table and watched the game. She then decided the view wasn’t substantial enough for her caliber of royalty, so she gave the table up to a polite couple, but only after hovering over said table for a good 15-20 minutes.

Baby was now walking around with a bottle of Grey Poupon. Her tally now stands at a glass of wine, a cup of soda and a glass bottle of Grey Poupon.

Finally, they found a table after turning down 2 of the 4 tables on the patio. Third time’s a charm, I suppose. The table had just cleared out to naturally there were plates and napkins and cups and utensils all over, but Sugar and Baby took a seat and wouldn’t shut up for 5 minutes about how dirty it was. Apparently they don’t understand the concept of there only being ONE server out there who had other people to accomodate, and not just her, the Queen of Sugar Island. The waitress came out and said their food would be right out, and Baby asked if they could clear the table. The waitress began to clean but could only hold so much, so she took what she could and went inside to dispose of it. A few moments later the bus boy came out to serve their food. He then made the biggest mistake of his life–he put a plate of food on their table. Baby instantly yelled at him for placing the food down without clearing the rest of the glasses and silverware. So before he placed down anymore food, he cleared what he could, only to be yelled at again. “This isn’t ours” she said about the mess ” what do you want me to do?” said the bus boy so Sugar spoke up for the first time all evening and said “clear the table”. As the poor bus boy went inside to dispose of the trash, Baby was touching all of the food on the tray and complaining about every last aspect–“these are ice cold…we didn’t order these, they’re fried!”

Lady, you DID order them and they WEREN’T Cold 10 minutes ago when they were brought out, but now they are because you couldn’t eat with a few dirty glasses on your table. And yeah you may have not known something was friend but that’s what READING is for. READ the menu. Karma is a bitch, just remember that.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the glasses were finally cleared and their wings were re-heated, and they seemed to be enjoying their meal without noticing the entire patio was making fun of them. Being the nosy person that I am, I had to further investigate the situation, and that’s when my friend noticed the ring on his finger. He was married. Now, we were anxiously trying to peer at Baby’s finger to find a ring, but no such luck–no ring on her finger! Could they truly be a daddy-daughter pair? Well, a very touchy-feely daddy daughter pair. We still weren’t sure of the situation, but we were sticking with the sugar daddy story because it was just more entertaining, don’t you agree?

It then came time for us to get up and go to our seats, leaving all of the entertainment behind. A little while later my father found out that Sugar and Baby were nasty and rude to their waitress, a friend of my father, and only gave her a $3 tip on a $75 tab. This was unacceptable. I guess they thought if they had to be rude to an extremely nice and polite waitress then she didn’t deserve a sufficient tip. Uh, that’s a little backwards, Baby, and I’m sure Sugar agrees.

My father alerted security of the situation but no one could find the now infamous duo, so my dad offered $5 to the first person who could spot them. I scanned our section for about 15 minutes and was slowly giving up hope, but then I saw them! I’d recognize that cheap looking, baby blue belly shirt anywhere! A few sections over, there they were! So my dad applauded my effort and went over to their section leaving my step-mother cursing under her breath and furious that I not only told my father where they were, but that he got up to say something to the duo. In the end, dad never got the chance to say anything to them, but he alerted security of their whereabouts, and I became $5 richer.

It was a good night.

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