As many of you probably know by now, the oil well leak in the Gulf of Mexico has been terrorizing oceans ever since it first became injured. Many attempts have been taken by British Petroleum, the company who owns the leaking well, but none have proved to be successful, and with the oil now off the coast of Alabama, time is running out.
I’m really not sure how hard it is to plug a leak 2-3 miles deep into the ocean, but I know that I’ve plugged a bath drain with hair on numerous occasions so it can’t be that hard. Look, get a team of deep sea diving robots or whatever and have them carry a large pipe, about 2-3 inches in diameter, down to the scene of the crime (because this is a crime, BP) and have them lodge the pipe they are carrying into the leak site. This will automatically decrease the flow of oil, and give you time to seal off the top of the pipe. Now, the bots will go to the top of the newly installed pipe and seal it off with a large piece of metal that will be welded to the top. PROBLEM SOLVED. For the robots, call Honda or just send someone to China for 5 minutes. Getting the robots should be the least of our problems! I know this may sound confusing, but my cab driver spent the entire ride from Penn Station to Radio City Music Hall explaining it to me without crashing, so it must be a good plan. He told me he’s a civil engineer…I didn’t ask questions.
Regardless, BP, take a look around you and call on one of the millions of Americans raising their hands because we have ideas. Yeah, maybe we’re not all experts like your Brisith fellows, but we’re willing to help and have ideas that no one working for you has even began to think about, not to mention everything they have thought up thus far hasn’t so much as slowed the leak. So stop paying your employees to fail, and announce an email address or a hotline number for citizens to contact you with ideas about how they think the leak can be sealed. You’ll get opinions from housewives, engineering majors, and mechanics who, wait for it…wait for it, DEAL WITH OIL LEAKS EVERY DAY.
So please, BP, put a sock in it. No, not the oil leak (but if you have yet to try that, Big Foot’s sock might work, can’t hurt, right?) your mouth! Stop promising and just take action before our entire eco system has been diminished because then you, Tony Hayward, will be viewed as this generation’s Hitler…for sea creatures.
I swear if sushi no longer exists because of this I will cut my BP credit card in half…IN HALF!
If you need any hair, let me know…I’ve got lots.
And that was A Ditk’s take on the oil leak.